Tayste This? YES PLEASE!

Posted by Tay on Dec 1, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

‘Tis the season to take the spout of Cheez Whiz out of your mouth and pick up some Cream!!! I mean really, if you plan on letting your pant seams burst and your buttons pop off, why not catch a quick buzz in the process!

Just when you thought the sight and taste of whip cream couldn’t get any better, Cream has debuted their new whipahol {aka alcohol-infused whip cream}. According to their website, you can “choose from six passionate whipped cream flavors infused with a 30 proof (15% alcohol by volume) kick that propels cocktails and mixed drinks to a whole other level”.

Well forget adding the shizz to a beverage…why not step it up a notch and drizzle a tremendous amount on that apple pie you were already planning on eating a ton of? Or better yet, how good would this taste if you drowned your Half Baked pint of Ben & Jerry’s in? {Oh gol, I think I am sounding like an infomercial…creepy.}

Now if only I could get my hands on this stuff…I didn’t fully do my research, so I better go back to www.givemecream.com and join Team Cream and see if I can find a list of retailers. Don’t worry, I checked already…contrary to the suggestive nature of the wordplay, its not an “adult” website! GAH!

Social Media Connectivitay

Posted by Tay on Oct 27, 2010 in Multichannel, Social Media | 0 comments

Inspired by a class presentation on Walmart that included information on the culture {which we are all too familiar with} and made notes of their innovation {???} – I decided to continue to my argument for Target’s innovation on my blog this evening {shoot is it night already, geesh!}.

Coming soon to a Target near you is a Social Network Connectivity with a Facebook kiosk that will allow you pull up your account, and print photos that you’ve added — or that you have been tagged in. I was really starting to wonder who was going to make this step…and to no surprise…its my favorite big box retailer! Thank you TGT!

- Forget sending an email to your friend to send you the image via email.
- Forget having to upload your photos to Shutterfly or Snapfish and sending them out to friends.
- Forget losing the quality of your picture by transferring through all different electronic channels.

Coming not soon enough to a Walmart near you? A knock-off version of this awesome new invention! GAH! Time to sell your stocks in Shutterfly/Snapfish {violin plays a soft ballad}>

Fast Food Pantay Liners

Posted by Tay on Oct 11, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

Yes. These are what you think they are. Reusable feminine pads that come with obnoxious McDonald’s patterns but sans milkshake and large fries. I wonder if McDonald’s knows about this???

These super freaky products are sold on Etsy by a seller named Punky’s Pads. I can only imagine who actually orders these things for anything but a “white elephant” gift.

Here was the description (note: that’s my commentary in the bold writing below):

You will receive the pads shown! This is a set of 3 Regular Punky’s Pads in 3 different 100% cotton McDonald’s prints! (Yippy Skippy!!!)

My regular pads are great for moderate to slightly heavy flow days (Is the smiley face necessary? I’m not smiling.)

The pads are backed in matching water resistant fleece. It closes with coordinating snaps applied with a professional snap press! (WOW!)

The inside absorbant core is made from 100% organic cotton and is waterproofed with a layer of PUL (I don’t want to ask what PUL means. Still not smiling.)

10 inches long, 3 inches wide when snapped (Not sure what’s really being described here)
Wings with snaps, channels and PUL

All fabrics washed and dried before sewn, these are “ready to wear”! Made from a smoke free and pet free home! (Stankless and hairless, just what we dreamed of!)

Like this fabric but not the size? Or do you like this size but not the fabric? Then send me a convo about doing a custom order! (If I think the product is super creepy and weird, can I suggest you don’t make these at all? Still not smiling.)

FORGET environmentally responsible products. These are tacky and gross. I’m never gonna look at Ronald McDonald’s face the same again.

Child Safetay Warning?!

Posted by Tay on Sep 27, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

After my last week’s shopping spree for some frocks for my niece, Fiona, and my friend’s new baby…I came across a disturbing tag on one of the items, upon returning home.

It read: For child safety, garment should fit snugly. This garment is not flame resistant. Loose fitting garment is more likely to catch fire.

Catch fire?!?! On what??? I find it seriously bizarre that there is a need to have a warning label like this on children’s clothing…which then leads me to believe that there had to have been some sort of lawsuit situation that instigated this disclaimer.

Isn’t all apparel {to some degree} NOT flame resistant? Is this specific item doused in lighter fluid, making it EXTRA flammable?

If you need to have this information printed on a flourescent yellow hangtag, to remind yourself not to light your crackpipe while breastfeeding your child…than you likely have bigger problems that need to be solved. Immediately!

Marketing Ambiguitay

Posted by Tay on Sep 12, 2010 in Packaging | 0 comments

Does the phrase on beauty or food items All Natural drive you to purchase a product? Do you feel better about that item because it says that? Do you think you are eating more healthily, or doing something better for your body because of it. Well I am here to burst your fricken bubble. All Natural is the most used and abused marketing phrase in the “consumables” world.

The phrase does not mean your food or face lotion is more healthy. In fact, there is NO FDA standards that need to be met in order for the terminology to be used. I turned to my information bff, Wikipedia to unveil the meaning:

“Natural foods” are often assumed to be foods that are minimally processed and do not contain any hormones, antibiotics, sweeteners, food colors, or flavorings that were not originally in the food.[2]

The international Food and Agriculture Organization’s Codex Alimentarius does not recognize the term “natural” but does have a standard for organic foods.[3]

Fundamentally, almost all foodstuffs are derived from the natural products of plants and animals and therefore any definition of natural food results in an arbitrary exclusion or inclusion of food ingredients; likewise, since almost all foods are processed in some way, either mechanically, chemically, or by temperature, it is difficult to define which types of food processing is natural.[4]

In conclusion, All Natural has no real meaning. And when you think about things some things that are All Natural like dog sh*t, puke, blood, and snake venom — you probably won’t die from eating regular Cheetos. I know. I should write a book.

Beautayful Boo Boos

Posted by Tay on Aug 29, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

OH good! For all of you that have been waiting all your life for designer bandages that you can blow $10 on…your wait is finally over!

The designer to thank for this? None other than Cynthia Rowley. The same designer that designed plastic picnic tableware for Target a few years back…and the same designer who recently teamed up with Pampers to bring you designer diapers.

She’s starting to lose a little ground with me as a relevant fashion designer. Whatever happened to shoes, handbags, apparel, and SHOES? I don’t get what she’s doing here?

I {secretly} look forward to her next partnership…which at the rate she’s going will probably be with Charmin, Bounty, or Kleenex. And yes that’s a relatively fair prediction. Feel free to quote me on that.

Tayste the Fat!

Posted by Tay on Aug 28, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

Do you have smooth skin on your thighs that you would like to transform quickly into cellulite?
Are you looking to double your cholesterol in 15 minutes?
Would you like to super-size your muffin-top?
If you answered {YES!!} to any of these, than you better re-create your own version of the Krispy Kreme Donut Burgers.

Unfortunately, I pretty much busted a button on my pants just looking at this picture and thinking about what this would taste like…so at this time, I am going to decline the wonderful {infomercial-like} offerings above.

Compostabilitay?

Posted by Tay on Aug 22, 2010 in Packaging | 0 comments

So now that the new 100% biodegradable Sun Chips bag is now on the market, does that mean I can not feel guilty about throwing the bag out my car window? After a short discussion with a friend today, regarding the newly sustainable packaging, I did a little bit of research.

Here’s what I’ve learned:
When the packaging is 100% compostable, it will fully decompose in about 14 weeks when placed in a hot, active compost pile or bin.

So no, telling the cop that pulls you over for littering that the bag is biodegradable, will likely not get you out of a $500 fine.

And no, if you can resist busting into a bag of Sun Chips for fourteen weeks, it won’t just disintegrate into thin are in your pantry.

And no, leaving the empty bag on a bush in your front yard, doesn’t mean it will become part of the plant’s foliage.

In conclusion, if you really want to make this packaging to benefit the earth, it looks like your best bet is to bury it six feet under in the ground. If you throw it away in the trash? Its probably not really providing any more of an eco-friendly benefit than your empty Doritos bag. {Can you hear the violin playing? I can.}

Bingo Saturtays?!

Posted by Tay on Aug 20, 2010 in Events | 0 comments

Saturday morning at 8am. Being that I am a creature of habit, the following three scenerios are the most likely to occur for me {in chronological order}.

A – I am sleeping through my alarm after a Friday night of slugging down some wine.
B – I am pushing the snooze button trying to negotiate with myself why I should continue to sleep instead of getting up for my morning aerobics class.
or
C – Waking up and getting ready to head to the gym for my morning aerobics class.

That being said, you will never see me at Cub Foods at 8am ready to play Bingo. BINGO??? At 8am??? On Saturday MORNING??? At a GROCERY STORE???

Someone has got to be freakin’ kidding me! This has got to be a joke…there is no way this is real! I want to know who in their right minds is at the grocery store at that time in the morning? You can’t even find any free sample tables that early. And where do you sit with your bingo card at Cub? On the floor in the produce section? Do you just find a stack of bananas to balance your card on?

The fact that the sign clearly says Bingo “It’s Back!” – makes me believe there had to be some people that showed up to play last time around.
Did you notice how the sign doesn’t say “back by popular demand”??? Yeah, I noticed that too. Hmph.

Basically Naughtay

Posted by Tay on Aug 18, 2010 in Advertising | 0 comments

When you are a retailer that spends more time, money, and energy into creating racy advertising that should only be placed in Playboy or Hustler-type magazines…I don’t feel bad for you when you can’t pay your bills. The buzz on the ‘net is that the nothing special overpriced basics retailer, American Apparel, is headed towards bankruptcy as soon as NEXT MONTH! I’m not going to lie, I won’t miss them. I have a hard time shopping at their stores, partially because the employees look like they dressed themselves in the height of a heroin binge.

Ummmmmmm…I don’t get it? Why is she in a yoga pose with no pants on? I know they sell yoga pants.

I am pretty sure I would be arrested if I walked around in an outfit resembling these ones.

Is that one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends?

They seem to have forgot to fully dress their model?

I wonder what kind of beer she is drinking? I’d drink too if I knew a photo of me in this pose would have a chance to be on a billboard in SoHo.

You would never guess they were trying to promote scrunchies here!

Goodbye. American Apparel.

Clean Functionalitay

Posted by Tay on Aug 11, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

You know, one of the best things about having a blog is that I have the opportunity to be as random as I want. It truly reflects my mental framework on a day-to-day basis. So yesterday was a rant about designer diapers…and today I bring you a product my cubicle is in DIRE need of…a battery operated zamboni vacuum.

Well lets be honest, I don’t need it for my pencil eraser debris…not because I don’t make mistakes {I know you were thinking that}…but for all the little crumbs that continue to lurk!! I like to blame the fact that my cubicle resembles a dorm room, for the fact that one of my favorite work hobbies, is treating myself to a little snickety-snack.

Unfortunately, I happen to be the messiest eater that I know {and according to Facebook, I know a lot of people-ha!}. So besides the mini-fridge, the microwave, and a toaster…my dorm cube could really use a battery operated zamboni vacuum.

Without this really important mechanism, it may be realistic to think that a call to the pest-control department will be in my near future.

Buy this item for me yourself at Amazon for a whopping deal of $19.99!

Daintay Diapers

Posted by Tay on Aug 10, 2010 in Product | 0 comments

Just when you thought that diapers weren’t expensive enough, meet Cynthia Rowley for Pampers, offered at your nearest Target store. I was strolling along at Target, when the endcap featuring the new diaper packaging caught my eye.

I looked a little bit closer and realized that the diapers were a bizarre combination of a high-end fashion designer, and the leading diaper brand…and after thinking about it for like three seconds, I thought…now why would they do something like this? Is there really that big of a market of parents who DON’T complain about the cost of diapers?

Here’s a high-level version of the math:
Cynthia Rowley Pampers Cruisers {23} – $14.99
vs.
Regular Pampers Cruisers {27} – $9.99

YES. They are cute. But if you think about it for another three seconds, you’ll begin to realize that it really shouldn’t have been an innovative idea to begin with. You don’t need a designer to create a pattern of different colored stripes…or shapes…or flower patterns. {just get rid of the cartoon characters already}

And if you think about it for three more seconds. These things just get sh*t on anyways. There’s my nine seconds of logic for the evening. The end.